Couples

Why Seek Help?

Potential Reasons for Seeking Help

No relationship is perfect and it’s normal to run into conflicts and difficulties–married or not. But if these conflicts escalate into hurtful patterns and repeated cycles of negative interactions, they may be leaving you feeling angry, bitter, and uncertain about the future of your relationship.

DO THESE FIT FOR YOU?

• You erupt into arguments over the smallest things.
• You haven’t had a real conversation with your partner for weeks.
• You long for intimacy and closeness with your partner, and can’t seem to get it.
• You want to talk about things with your partner, but don’t know where to start.
• You feel isolated or lonely in your relationship, and can’t seem to get support from your partner.

Whatever has led to these difficulties and whatever the level of distress in your relationship, I can offer a proven solution, using EFT (Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy), that helps you rebuild your connection and creates lasting improvement in your relationship.

Negative Patterns

NEGATIVE RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS

There are common patterns to difficulties in relationships. Whatever the underlying issue that sparks a conflict, usually one partner ends up wanting to cut off the interaction and the other wants to push through to get a resolution. Here are some additional typical behaviors you may see if there is distress in your relationship:

• Your partner withdraws when you seek support
• Your partner ignores or dismisses you when you are in distress
• Your partner invalidates your feelings
• You feel criticized or attacked by your partner
• You feel overwhelmed by your partner’s demands
• You feel you can never do enough to satisfy your partner

These negative, hurtful patterns are exactly what EFT (Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy) can change.

Solid research shows that EFT shifts partners’ interaction patterns and creates new, positive ways of interacting. I can use the EFT process to help you and your partner discover how you affect each other and to change the patterns that lead to hurt and disappointment.

How EFT Therapy Helps

WHAT IS EFT?

EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) is a short (8-20 sessions), structured approach to couples therapy, formulated in the early 80’s, that now has a substantial body of research supporting its effectiveness. EFT is considered one of the most well-substantiated therapies for couples.

STRENGTHS OF EFT

• Research finds that 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery in 10-12 sessions. Approximately 90% of couples show significant improvement by the end of treatment.
• EFT leads to as good or better rates of improvement and better recovery than any other couples therapy.
• EFT leads to lasting changes. Three years after therapy is completed, relapse rates are extremely low, compared to high relapse rates one year after therapy for the only other two validated couples therapy methods. EFT can be applied to many different kinds of problems and populations.

I can use the EFT process to help you and your partner achieve these benefits and restore your relationship to a safe and healing environment for both of you.

Results From EFT

HOW YOUR RELATIONSHIP CAN IMPROVE WITH EFT

• Feel safer and closer to your partner
• Build a better connection based on trust, respect and love
• Manage conflict without hurting or attacking each other
• Communicate more openly and effectively about difficult topics
• Learn about what matters most to you and your partner in your relationship

A SNAPSHOT OF THE CHANGE PROCESS:

In a therapy session, the first partner’s numb withdrawal diminishes and he reveals feeling a sense of intimidation and helplessness. He can now assert his need for respect and become more accessible to his partner. He moves from “There is no point in talking to you. I don’t want to fight.” to “I do want to be close. I want you to give me a chance. Stop poking me and let me learn to work with you.”

His partner’s critical anger then diminishes and reveals deep fear and sadness. She can now ask for and elicit comfort. She moves from “You just don’t care. You don’t get it.” to “It is so difficult to say – but I need you to hold me – reassure me – can you?”

New cycles of bonding interactions occur and replace negative cycles such as pursue-withdraw or criticize-defend. These positive cycles then become self-reinforcing and create permanent change.

What's the next step?

GETTING STARTED

As long as you have any desire to improve your relationship, I can use EFT to help you. Even if one partner is skeptical or not immediately cooperative, EFT can produce results!

(Note: EFT is not appropriate when there is on-going violence, or active abuse of alcohol or drugs.)

Call Dr. Stuart at 310-371-3543

If you’re ready to do away with the negative cycles of interaction in your relationship, then call now to set up an appointment for a consultation. The first session will be my chance to get acquainted with both of you and to start assessing what has been happening in your relationship. During our first session, I can give you an idea for how EFT will proceed once we’re underway.

GENERAL INFORMATION

EFT couples sessions with me typically last 50 minutes and are scheduled at least once per week. Except for early sessions when I might request to see each of you individually once, both partners must attend. We can discuss fees during the first session, or over the phone ahead of time.